Sunday, December 6, 2009

Not REALLY a pity party

still no pictures. I've had a setback trying to find a drug to manage the pain without killing the rest of me. It's been pretty dark in my prison bed lately. I have lost a lot of weight, but that is not really worth it, when it feels like I've lost a lot of days and weeks too. Days just gone that can't be redone or gotten back. Christmas seems like a particularly cruel time to be in this position. I'm thinking there will be no cards or pithy comic book letter this year. there will also be no chocolates, even though the cute little take out boxes were bought months ago. The house will only get partially decorated. Thank goodness for internet shopping. So, just when you think this is a pity party for me that you didn't want an invitation to, I hope that I can share some things I've learned this weekend.

*We all have to make choices. For one, is the end goal ( to live with God again) worth the price we have to pay? I think so. I really really hope so.
*Stuff like this, in one shape or another, happens to everyone.
*There's stuff we're supposed to learn.
*We're supposed to endure it well and bare it cheerfully. Haven't figured out how yet. Let me know if you already have.
*Apparently, we forget things we already knew. Like how bad stuff eventually gets better. I seem to recall that that has happened in the past, but it doesn't seem to apply now.
*As much as I hate depending on other people, it seems to be part of the learning process. I don't even want anyone else picking up or dropping off my children, but I don't have a choice and by the way, I am grateful.
*Who you marry is just about one of the most important things you can decide in this life. Thank you, Mike. I can't type much more for crying.

So, until I learn some more or someone else logs on to blog, I'll wave to you from my hospital bed covered in pink princess sheets in the middle of my living room.


iamwright said...

Oh Tonya dear, we love you! I don't mind helping you out so if you do need anything or just want something please let me know. It actually does make some people feel good to do things for other people.. I happen to be one of them. :)Get feeling better!

chelebug said...

We are sad you aren't doing well. How long will you have to stay in bed- or in pink sheets in your living room? :( We hope you are feeling better soon. Anything from Minnesota we can get you to cheer you up? A Garrison Keillor bobble head perhaps?

Kristi said...

Tonya, I've been thinking of you guys lately. I wish you could be doing better, but I am glad you have an awesome family that is taking care of you. You're always teaching me something. I love you guys, and miss you! I hope you start getting better!

Nate said...

Tonya, I thought you might like to know, I'm laying in bed in my living room with pink princess sheets, just to honor your memory :) No Really. Please let us know if you need anything.

Mike A said...

I knew I should have gone with the black sheets. They would look so awesome in the living room and make for a more stylish prison...

Lynn said...

I have no way of knowing what happened. Just know that I am praying for you. I am so sorry for such a HUGE trial that you are going through. But it only confirms to me of the great person that you are. Truly.

I am so grateful that you have such a wonderful support from your ward family. That is quite the ward you have there.

Keep us posted!

Melissa said...

Hey Tonya! Can I call you yet? I just wonder what is going on, you know the little details, like are you down in bed all day except for potty breaks? Are Emily and Hayden getting good at the laundry? j/k

I can understand your feeling about losing days and weeks that you can't get back. Lost time. I feel that way about the challenges I had a few years ago. (you know what I am talking about I hope).
take care. love ya and miss ya

Grandma Sid said...

You are such an amazing person. I have admired you since the first time you spoke in Sacrament meeting. You are an inspiration to a lot of people. If you ever want someone to just sit by your princess bed and listen, I am a great listener. Would I get to sit on a tuffet? Seriously I can't think of anything better than spending my lunch hour with you.
Hang in there:) Cindi

Veater Family said...

Well Tonya...Have you ever thought to think of us little people? Yeah so you think you have it bad...We miss you and your happy smiling face, your comments and your constant help. So start feeling bad for us who miss you soooo much. Imagine our pain...I bet it is worse than a broken back...I'm just saying... :) :) LOL!!

Julie Geldmacher said...

Oh, Tonya, even when you are feeling your worst with the medicine not working right, you are happy and positive. (I know because I have seen you.) It is inspiring to watch you work out your situation in as positive a way as you can.
I don't like seeing you down, especially the first year you have all your kids in school, but you will be better soon and everyone loves being able to help you!!!!